Leadership Isn’t About You
I’ve just wrapped up a powerful live virtual leadership session with Ben Crowe , and I’m grateful with how much of it landed — not just as a leader, but as a human. I made plenty of notes from an insightful interview and created this keep-sake to share with my team and network.
About Ben Crowe
For those who don’t know Ben Crowe, he’s a high-performance mindset coach who’s worked with some of the most recognizable names and teams in sport and business. His clients include world-class champions like Ash Barty and Dylan Alcott AO , surfing greats such as Stephanie Gilmore and Molly Picklum, elite teams like the Richmond Football Club in the AFL, and leaders across global organisations including Meta, Toyota and Lexus — all anchored in his work on purpose, perspective and authentic performance. What I noticed seems to make Ben unique is that he doesn’t talk at you - he challenges how you see yourself, your work, and the stories you’re telling. And he’s real and authentic about his own learning too.
One of Ben’s thoughts set the tone early:
“I get to go to work” vs “I got to go to work.”
It’s a small shift in language, but a massive shift in mindset. One is obligation. The other is opportunity. Words matter, and leadership starts with the words we use with ourselves. At PERSOL APAC we aim to realise the Group Vision of “Work and Smile”. We believe it is our mission to create a society in which all work leads to lives of happiness and the term “I get to go to work” really hit home and aligned with this.
The #1 Leadership Mistake
According to Ben, the biggest mistake leaders make is simple and a bit confronting:
We think leadership is about us. It’s not. Leadership is about others.
The same applies to influence, public speaking, and impact. When we worry about how we look, we lose connection. When we focus on serving others, ego and fear fade away.
Shifting from “I” to “we” changes everything and it’s a transition many new leaders struggle with.
Lessons From Sport to Business
Ben shared a story about a former English Football star and Manager named Frank Lampard. As a player, Lampard has stated that he became a star by training harder than anyone else. But when he transitioned into leadership and was later sacked not once but twice, he realised something critical:
He’d not treated the training required to become a great leader the same way he did to become a great player.
A hard lesson, but a powerful one. When life gets difficult, we’re often in the middle of a chapter that’s preparing us for the next one. Growth comes when we stop asking “why me?” and start asking “what’s this here to teach me?” I noticed Lampard shared that one of his most prominent takeaways was a message he received that “You are not a real coach until you’ve been sacked’. It seems to me that he didn’t take this as a ‘win or lose’ situation, instead may have used these setbacks as wins given that the best learning and growth can come from setbacks.
Ben was clear, leadership isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about creating an environment where others can realise their potential.
Ben defined leadership as creating space for:
Play
Purpose
Potential
He also talked about the differences between pressure, expectations, and control. Another idea that hit home:
Remove the word “expectation" or at least the expectation to please others.
Expectations often focus us on outcomes we can’t control. Instead, Ben encourages leaders to focus on:
The expectations you place on yourself
Your intentions
Your effort
Your mindset
Pressure isn’t the privilege - but opportunity is.
We were told Ash Barty once reframed this beautifully. When facing her fiercest opponents on the tennis court, she used to say, “I’m not going to worry about this or I’m not going to worry about that”, she changed the word to “I’m not going to focus on this or that.” Same situation. Different outcome. Again: words matter as it flows into your mindset.
Dark Times Are Not Weakness, They’re Proof You’re Real
One of my favourite moments was Ben sharing the Japanese pottery concept of Kintsugi - the unique and traditional Japanese art of repairing broken, chipped, and cracked pottery using lacquer and gold. Given PERSOL has such strong Japanese roots, I’ve learned a lot about this concept and used the Kintsugi concept within our business.
Cracks don’t make us weak. They make us real.
According to Ben, our greatest growth often comes from our darkest chapters, that's if we approach them with:
Humility
Curiosity
Acceptance
On the back of this, Ben shared a simple but powerful filter for stress:
Can I do something about this? If yes → do something.
If not → can I accept it? If we don’t accept it, we suffer (anger, exhaustion, sleeplessness).
Leadership requires knowing the difference.
Process Over Outcome (And Why Play Matters)
We talked a lot about being process-driven, not outcome-obsessed.
“Play the shot, not the context” was the term used.
And I found Ben’s shared six reasons people go to work fascinating, especially given the field I work in and our vision of ‘Work and Smile’ at PERSOL. Of the six, the first three are all intrinsic motivations:
Intrinsic
Play
Purpose
Potential
Extrinsic
Emotional pressure
Economic pressure
Inertia
The best leaders build cultures around the first three.
Belief Beats Confidence
One story that stayed with me was about a young boy who this week saved his family in dangerous surf at Quindalup in Western Australia recently, a wonderful part of the world that I also holiday in with my young family. Austin Appelbee, his mother and two siblings were swept out to sea. The 13-year-old has recounted swimming 4 kilometres to shore to get help for his family, who were rescued after spending up to 10 hours at sea.
The question is whether he had the confidence to do it, given he’d never done it before OR did he have the belief in his potential? I think it was belief.
Confidence is evidence-based. Belief is existential.
As Ben put it, you don’t need proof to believe you’re worthy. You need trust — in yourself, in the process, and in uncertainty.
A quote our leadership team uses internally emphasizes this and Ben also mentioned it today - I can’t control the waves, but I can learn to surf.”
That’s leadership. If we get deep with this young hero, he demonstrated play, purpose, and potential. If you read the story, he succeeded through intent, effort, and mindset. Of course, he wasn’t focused on himself, his sole focus was on others. It’s simple, powerful - but not easy.
Practical Leadership Takeaways
When things feel overwhelming:
Breathe (box breathing works)
Hum (it calms the nervous system)
Connect with music
And in your teams:
Lead with authenticity
Be vulnerable
Tell stories
Talk openly about mistakes through creating trust
Because it’s not about winning or losing — it’s about winning or learning. And if you’re willing to tell yourself the truth, even losses make you stronger, and it becomes winning or winning!.
Final Thought
Leadership isn’t about being the hero.
It’s about creating space for others to thrive — while staying fully committed yet emotionally detached from outcomes.
Believe in your potential. Trust the process. And remember — you get to go to work.
Thanks, Ben, for the reminders we didn’t know we needed.
