Last week, I sat down for an early morning coffee by the beach with someone I consider one of Australia's most respected leaders.
No agenda. Just a coffee, a juice, the ocean in the background and a conversation about life, leadership and everything in between.
We covered plenty.
The highs and lows. The relationships. The challenges. The heartache. The anxiety, pressure and fear. The stories. The importance of values, trusting your gut and staying true to who you are when things get tough.
But one story really stayed with me.
It was about forgiveness.
This person spoke about an experience with a another individual that had clearly left its mark. The disappointment, the hurt and the weight of holding on to something for far too long.
And then came a simple but powerful reflection. My contact had taken the time to write an old-fashioned, heartfelt letter, sharing their perspective and feelings. What came back genuinely surprised them. The response offered a perspective they hadn't expected, bringing a further sense of understanding and relief. It was as though an enormous weight they'd been carrying for years had finally been lifted from their shoulders.
When you hold on to resentment or a grudge, the person you're often hurting most is yourself.
The other person may or may not have moved on, yet you're still carrying the frustration, anger and disappointment.
It also made me reflect on some consulting work I've been doing with an organisation navigating a recent acquisition.
Change isn't easy, particularly when people feel decisions have been made outside their control. There's uncertainty, disappointment, frustration and, at times, genuine anger.
I've seen firsthand the weight some people are still carrying. You can see it in their conversations, their energy, their relationships and sometimes their ability to embrace what's next.
And understandably so because these things are often personal - I’ve been there myself. People invest years of their lives, their loyalty and their identity into organisations.
But holding on to that frustration can eventually become a burden in itself.
That's what struck me about the story shared over coffee & juice.
Forgiveness wasn't about letting someone else off the hook. It was about giving themselves permission to move forward.
Not because what happened was okay. Not because they'd forgotten. But because they no longer wanted to carry the weight.
In leadership, we talk endlessly about resilience, courage, accountability, performance and making tough decisions.
But perhaps we don't talk enough about forgiveness.
Forgiving someone who let you down. Someone who broke your trust. Someone who treated you unfairly.
And sometimes, forgiving yourself.
You can move forward without forgetting. You can let go without compromising your values.
Forgiveness doesn't change what happened. But it can change how much of your future you allow it to occupy.
Sometimes the strongest thing a leader can do isn't to hold on.
It's to let go.
For a unique opportunity to hear about stories like this and more, February 18-19 in Perth is the unique two-day leadership experience - Lead With Intent. Click here to learn more: https://www.intentgroup.com.au/lead-with-intent
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